Stranger Anxiety
Stranger anxiety is a developmental phase in babies and in toddlers. As a first-time mom, I didn’t even realize that this was a phase. Now, as a mom of three, I can tell you that this phase comes without warning and every child experiences it differently. This phase can hit around the 6–9-month age and then again in the 12–18-month age. How long it lasts depends on the child.
Our oldest son experienced stranger anxiety around 9 months old but had a verry mild case of it. He just needed a little extra reassurance that things would be okay and that these people he knew, such as his grandma and grandpa, were okay to be around. This phase lasted a couple weeks then hit again at the 17-month mark.
I think the only reason he went through this phase again was because I was home from work for 3 months due to maternity leave with the twins. Being home meant I stayed with him every day. He got used to being by my side and not having a babysitter come watch him during the week. When I had to start going back to work, he got this stranger anxiety instantly and it lasted for 2-3 weeks before it calmed down again. Some might see this more as separation anxiety, since it didn’t start back up till after I started going back to work, however I think both stranger anxiety and separation anxiety go hand in hand for kids that are this young.
I feel like the initial anxiety they feel is a separation anxiety from their parents or caregivers but then due to that separation anxiety, this then causes them to be hesitant towards strangers. With that hesitation towards other people stems the stranger anxiety. Keep in mind those “strangers” don’t have to be strangers at all. They can be relatives like an aunt, cousin, or grandparent that they see often.
Since we already went through this phase once, I figured it would be a breeze with the twins. Boy howdy was I wrong. Kinzley never really experienced this. If she did it was not for a long time. Her personality is very different than the boys though. Kinzley isn’t one that wants to be cuddled or held constantly. She would much rather do her own thing if she knows you’re within a safe distance from her. Koehn on the other hand…this kid has experienced stranger anxiety for a while.
Koehn has always been a momma’s boy, he loves snuggling, hugs, kisses, sitting on my lap, and just being with me constantly. This has made it very difficult when he is going through the stranger anxiety phase. Koehn first experienced this phase around 6 months and it lasted about a month. During this first go around, he would whine for a couple seconds when I handed him off to someone but then as soon as they started playing or showing him around Koehn would be good.
Well now we are about a month into another round of stranger anxiety with Koehn. This time is rough! Last weekend when we went to church, Koehn started crying and clinging to me as soon as we walked into the nursery. I told the ladies to text me if they needed me to come get him. We went the whole service without a text, so I figured he had calmed down. Nope…we go to pick him up and I see him through the window still having tears in his eyes. I went to go get Kaison when my husband went to get the twins and when we met in the hallway, Koehn almost leaped out of my husband’s arms to be held by me. As much as I love having a baby who loves me, this makes it very difficult to have anyone watch your kids.
This happened when his grandma (aka Lolly is what the kids call her) came over this week as well. I asked her if she could hold him for a second while I put my shoes on. As soon as she held him, Koehn started crying.
There is research out there that talks about how this is part of kids’ developmental stages. As a new mom, or a parent who hasn’t experienced this maybe with their other children, I would recommend reading the “what to expect” article about stranger anxiety. This gives you a good overview of, as the name suggests, what to expect.
If your babies/toddlers went through this phase, I would love to hear your experience with it and how you handled it. Just click here to connect with me!
